Something I’ve realized as we’ve started planning the wedding is that as accepting as our friends and family are about two ladies getting married, it’s just not that popular in the larger wedding industrial complex. I mean, duh. I know that, you know that. We all are painfully aware that the struggle for marriage equality continues to be a tough fight, even though attitudes in the public are shifting towards equality (thanks, NY!). However, I was naively unprepared for facing the fact, over and over again, that what Anne and I are doing is so revolutionary! My revelation (and later revolution) started online, as they often do. While I had of course turned to So You’re Engayged (way before our actual engagement) and other awesome wed-sites like A Practical Wedding, (who just did an awesome LGBTQ series featuring some familiar SYE voices, and who will be doing some more marriage equality stuff on the horizon) I also wanted some organizational tools to help me figure out “How to have a (gay) wedding.”
Posts Tagged ‘gay marriage’
I know it has been awhile since my last post. So long, in fact that I can’t even remember when I last posted – I know, the shame of it all. Hopefully, you all still remember me. For the newer readers, allow me to refresh a little.
Basically, I’m part of an black, quirky, somewhat femme-y, awesome couple that is going to be getting married in March of 2012. Now if marriage becomes legal in New York, that date will probably get pushed up a bit. What? Marriage? New York? Aren’t you in Atlanta? Well, I am until next week – that is. Afterward, my fiancee and I will be in the New York City (well, Brooklyn), starting our lives over and getting back to our wedding planning.
So, as you can imagine things have been hectic in our lives. As I’m typing, I am surrounded by lists of things to complete at my job, stuff that needs to be donated or sold (my car included) and things I need to wrap up at the office before I leave. Did I mention my last day is “tentatively” tomorrow and I’m knee-deep in Excel trying to fix a spreadsheet that someone mucked up. That is another story all together.
White Knot ribbons + customized buttons by ButtonEmpire = corsages.
(Photos clockwise by Button Empire, K. Ono, and Wyatt Olson Photography)
A wedding with two brides should be gay enough right? Well, yes, but… sometimes you just want to make sure everybody’s getting the message: We’re Here, We’re Queer, and this is a Big F**king Deal! For that, sometimes you need to add a little gay detailia to your wedding, rainbow or otherwise…
To begin our gay detailia, we ordered a White Knot kit and sent them to my maid of honor for assembly. (Thank you, KT!) Next, we found our sassy wedding buttons to complete the ‘corsages’ for ourselves, the bridal party and our family from ButtonEmpire on Etsy. The corsages were comprised of a white knot + a London map button (20 buttons made from one map of London) + an ‘I’m with the bride(s)’ button (later used expertly by Julie & Jacqueline in their La Jolla wedding as well!). As an extra perk for Alex and me, ButtonEmpire created 2 special buttons that read ‘Those whom Love hath brought together let no Prop put asunder.’ — a fantastic button-with-bite pointing to the fact that we couldn’t legally marry in my home state of California because of Prop 8.
As our big day gets closer, Em and I continue to finalize our wedding plans. With our save-the-dates coming out soon with my name listed as André, we’ve been thinking about the logistics of our wedding. I had originally planned on legally changing my name to André before the wedding but wasn’t planning on changing my gender marker until sometime after the wedding. This would mean that our ceremony in Maryland would be just that, a civil ceremony with no legality to it. The plan was to eventually get legally married as a “heterosexual couple” after I changed my gender marker.
But, par for the course for Em and me, things have changed yet again. We have since decided that we would speed the process up and try to get legally married on our actual ceremony date. Which means my changing my name and gender marker and getting our officiant ordained.
We’re working on my name and gender change in hopes that we can get it all accomplished by 9-10-11. I have contacted the legal services staff at Whitman Walker Clinic, the local LGBT health clinic in D.C., to help walk me through all the steps that I will need to take. I have also scheduled my surgery for April 5th, which just happens to be 3 days after my birthday. I’d also like to get my gender marker changed on my Florida birth certificate however it isn’t necessary that I change it before the ceremony as my passport and driver’s license will suffice for the “legal” wedding.