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I submitted my So You’re EnGAYged blogger application on January 22, 2011 and my first blog went live on March 21.  It is crazy that almost 8 months have gone by since I started detailing my wedding plans here.  And now, I am posting for the last time.  Sad times.

But, what has not been a sad time is connecting with all of you and getting your advice from what should go in our water glasses to questions of tradition and etiquette.  It was also cool to get married; for real and all kinds of legal.

Well, before I get to the my wedding planning/blogging experience precis, I thought I would share some honeymoon pictures and thoughts.

We went to Aruba for our honeymoon and it was amazing.  We had a room right on the beach and there was a hammock right outside of our room.  The water was warm and the sun was warmer.   It was the perfect type of vacation after months of stressful planning.

Dave of course needs a good book to read when traveling, and Betty White’s bio did the trick!

This is taken from the lounge chair right outside our room.  Dave does have a good eye for pictures!

If you remember my post about our Long Island Thunderstorm, this is the handmade cabana outfit my childhood neighbor made us.  Dave has a coordinating  one!

One of the coolest things about Aruba is that the sun sets at approximately the same time every day of the year, right around 6:30 p.m.  This was one of the best parts of the trip;  grabbing a cool drink and watching the sun set.

The north side of the island is very rocky and has a desert feel.  We went horse back riding along this area and along the beach.  It was, for sure, a highlight of the trip. Although the trotting does damage a boy in a particular way that lingers.

Yes, yes, the perfunctory write-in-the-sand-to-mark-the-occasion picture.  But, hey, when in Rome, or whatever.

When we got home from the honeymoon, the last thing we promised ourselves is that we would go out to a nice dinner to bookend the whole experience.  This was nice, because we had enough time away from the stress of it all to really reflect on the whole experience. Dave looks pretty hot, and relaxed, right?

 

My Final Thoughts

To change the tone here a little bit, I wanted to talk about some more serious final thoughts about our wedding and marriage.

First, one thing I never did talk about here, was right before I started blogging, we lost our dog, Mandy.  It was sudden, and we planned to have her in the wedding in some way.  She was there though, in both spirit and in picture.  Often when I wrote blogs here I did open up about my feelings on a variety of issues, but understood that people really wanted to hear about things connected to the wedding planning process.  But since I feel a bit more connected to you all now, I thought I would share a tribute video we made for her.  I think in part I did not talk about her because of how much it still really hurts to not have her in our lives.

Our Mandy Baby

Beyond the fact that I LOVE this picture, I also think it sums up all of our reasons for having our wedding: to be surrounded by the ones we love.  Save for one nephew, this is the totality of both of our families.  I am not sure I can fully appreciate nor articulate what it meant to us to be within and around so much love, and not just for that day.

 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

But the reality is that we are now onto the married part of the wedding planning.  I read/heard the following the other day that went something like “people should put more thought and planning into their marriage than their wedding day.”  This is so true.  Because it really is just one day.  One amazing, beautiful day, but still, just 6 or so concentrated hours.  It is the happily-ever-after part that I think people forget to worry about.  And it ain’t easy, for sure.

Dave and I are lucky that we found each other and we have worked on our marriage, and settled into our life, well before we got married.   I am sure marriage advice abounds, but if I could offer one, succinct thing, it would be this: find the reason why you fell in love, and remember that in times when your present feelings of love might be otherwise.  Nothing about the pairing of two people is easy.  As a breed we tend to be selfish and unable to recognize another person’s reality.  And while the idea of two people spending the rest of their life together is beautiful  in the abstract, people have to be more practical  in the specific to make it work.

What I think the below picture illustrates is what I think makes love and life work.  To steal a scene from Love! Valoure! Compassion!:  (said by Bobby, who is blind in the movie, from the back seat of Perry and Aurthur’s car) “I think…you love each other very much. I think you will stick it out, whatever. I think right now you’re holding hands. I think that when Perry has to take his hand from yours, Arthur, to steer in traffic, he puts it back in yours as soon as he can. I think this is how you always drive. I think…this is how you go through life.”

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

So, I bid you ado, from this wedding planning journey, now onto our life fulfilling one.  If you care, please follow me at My Parent’s Son, my blog I post to from time to time. You can also follow me on Twitter:   http://twitter.com/MichaelMancini5

It has been what I can only classify as a pleasure to spend some time with you all.

Thank you.

 

The details…I tell you, this part of planning the wedding really flipped my switch, if you get what I mean.  I thought I would hate this part, but I kind of loved talking about all the little stuff.

First, the candy bar.  Instead of buying favors, we thought it would be cool to do a candy bar, plus it also worked as a pop of color.  We had a huge martini glass that had yellow and green ribbons for tying up the bag.  On the bag we put stickers that we had made of our monogram from our Save the Dates cards.  But I am pretty sure no one left with any bags of candy, because people were really chowing down on the candy at the wedding.

 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Yes they do make orange licorice, who knew?!?  I guess they tasted good, we never got to try!

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

The wonderfully nostalgic tags were made by our wedding planner Kate from Lovewell Design.  She also surprised us with these cute straws which she put at the bar.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Another detail of the wedding was a DIY photo booth.  The hotel had an old phone closet that has been turned into a toy closet.   So Dave and I thought it would be fun to set up our MacBook so people can go in the closet and take pictures or videos.  And to model it after our save the dates, we had a dry erase board so people could write us notes for the pic.  Below is the sign we made to denote the photo booth and below the below is some amazing photos from our friends and family.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Clearly these are our photogs from Calypso Rae Photography.

These are our Lesbians and our friend Chris…Sue, in the middle, is 9 months pregnant here, and looking fine!!  For those of you who have read my blog posts from the start you will get the reference.

These are our friends Mike and Dawn.  I grew up with them both, and they ended up marrying each other.  I just love the naturalness of this pic.  Plus their son was just on the Martha Stewart Show!

And these are our Asians (clearly we like to label our friends!)  I may or may not have a crush on the boy in the pic…but don’t tell anyone, okay?  She is pretty darn hot, too!

And here Dave is with his sister…if you notice, he is no longer wearing his shirt and tie…yes, he did decide to change into his PJs at the end of the night, but changed right back before I saw him!!

And then, our escort cards, hand printed by our friend Chris, pictured above with our lesbians…amazing, right?

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

As you may have deduced, our table markers were Gay Icons.  This was Dave’s idea, and I just love it.  What we found great was people chatting during cocktail hour about whose table they were at; many were mad that they were not at Betty White’s table…she is even popular in picture form!!

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Of course, our table was the Judy Garland table…I mean…there is no other choice! Our center pieces, and a 25 foot banister garland, was by Flowers Down Under.  She was amazing, she kept it clean and stylish.

 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

So this is my penultimate blog post!  I can’t believe it.  The next blog post will be a retrospective of this whole process, plus some honeymoon pics!

 

 

 

Now to the best part of the wedding day: The PARTY!    Of course, we know very well how to do that!  Our friends and family are not shy when it comes to having a good time and that is just fine by us.   At that point in the evening, there was nothing left to worry about, so we got right down to business.   We did our first dance after dinner, rather than before.  Given that our space was a little broken up, we wanted to draw people back into the dance room.  Our first dance song was “Someone Like You” by Linda Eder from the musical Jekyll and Hyde.  Of course, we are that gay!  Also, our DJ, from Piper’s Entertainment, was very good!  He played the songs we wanted to hear and really understood our crowd.  We gave him the following directions, which I think he ran with and it worked well ” You know the gays, they like to sing along.”

There was various points during the night that I was overwhelmed with the totality of the day, particularly when we were doing traditional things that we have watched at every wedding.  From our entrance into the reception (which was insane; to walk down the stairs and see so many screaming people all taking pictures…we now understand how the celebs feel…well, understand better) to our first dance.  There is something that is all consuming about these moments that we could not fully experience it until it is all done and we revisited it in pictures and videos.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

After our first dance, we had our mom and son dance.  Dave danced to “Baby Mine” from Dumbo sung by Bette Midler.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  I love this picture of Dave and his mom, it really does capture well the tenderness of the moment.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

I, of course, could not do just one song with my mom, so I did a mash up of “Puff the Magic Dragon”, which was my lullaby song when I was a kid and “In the Mood” by Glenn Miller.   The latter song is a staple at any of our family weddings, and when I was a kid I used to always do the Lindy with my mom to this song, so it was fitting.  She did not know about either song and was very surprised.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

This is one of my favorite shots from the wedding, I think it is while Dave and I are dancing.  There is just something about it.  We had told the photographer that we wanted her to have a photo-journalistic eye when taking pictures, and I think she hit the mark here.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Okay so this has to be the cutest picture of my nephew Jack.  He is such a sweet kid.  When we were home over the summer he asked “Uncle Michael, who are you marrying?” and I said “Dave” to which he replied “Yessssss!!” with the same level of jubilation as a kid on Christmas morning at the unwrapping of a long sought after gift.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

In the next blog I am going to talk about all the little details of the day, from our table markers, to our DIY photo booth, candy bar and everything else in between.

 

In my last post I talked about getting ready, in this blog, as so indicated by the name,  I will talk about our ceremony.  I would like to back up just a bit and revisit our planning of the ceremony.  As I have talked about before and before, we had structured our ceremony in a particular way before the legalization of same-sex marriage, so there was a little last minute changing of process when we had to find a judge to preform the ceremony.  We had thought about not doing this, about getting married before or after our planned wedding, much like we planned to do before the passage of Marriage Equality.  We are so glad we did not do this!  It defiantly felt cool when the judge said “by the power, finally, invested in me…”

When Dave and I sat down with the judge– who was very cool, and said “this is my first gay wedding” to which we said “ours too!”  — we told him that he did not need to spend a lot of time up there because most the ceremony has been planned, he just needs to do what he needs to do to make it legal.  But we did tell him that we wanted some sayings that are common at weddings.  This may seem perfunctory, but that is not bad sometimes.  It reminded people, if anyone needed reminding, that this wedding was just as legitimate as any other.  As one of our friend’s husband remarked “I wish people that do not agree with same-sex marriage could be here today to see this!” And while we loved the words of our friend Urvish, this “add-on” as I kept referring to it as, did add more depth to the ceremony.  Speaking of Urvish, we cannot fully thank him, nor explain how amazing it was for him to perform the ceremony for us.  He is, beyond handsome, one of the smartest people we know.  Anyone watching from afar would think he was an old hat at this, but he wasn’t, but as usual, was graceful.   Again, our wedding planner Kate did such a nice job with staging the ceremony space; we especially love the wickers balls (insert whatever joke is appropriate here).

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

 Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography


 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

So we were fortunate enough to have our hotel room overlook the ceremony space, so we got to watch as everyone started to file in.  It was great to see people that we have not seen in a while, and get excited about spending some time with them.  We may or may not have been caught doing this.

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

So, to the sappy part of the day, Dave decided to sing me a song, “Come What May”, but he figured, from the start, that he would not be able to finish it, so he had our friend Phil serve as back up.  Dave was able to sing….the first verse, than slowly fell into his tears…Phil of course took over with no issue!

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

 

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

One of the other special parts of our ceremony was our friend Jackie Micieli-Voutsinas, one half of our lesbian duo, who sang before our wedding, sang “Marry Me” as we walked own the aisle, and also sang “What More Can I Say” during the ceremony.  She is by far one of the most talented musicians I know, she can sing, play: piano, guitar, mandolin among many other instruments.  She is also pretty damn hot, as seen below and, ahem, getting her Ph.D. at Syracuse University, and just became a mommy!

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Between the singing, which was important for us, we each had two friends do readings for us, we asked them to pick out whatever reading made them think of love and/or marriage.  They all were touching and showed that our friends took the time to find readings the were both meaningful and specific.  We also asked my neighbor from when I was a kid to do a reading from the bible. It was important to us to nod to our past, as we both grew up somewhat religious , and she picked such a great reading from the bible!

We also did a hand-fasting ceremony, which is an ancient Celtic tradition.  We really loved this part of the ceremony  because it was unique to us, and many people remarked on how special it was.   Also, the ribbon is kinda cool, right?  Go Jo-Ann Fabrics!!

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography

And then, the big moment, the “We Dos”.  This was an amazing part the the experience, as I mentioned earlier.  It was also exciting to think about getting our drink on!

Photo by Calypso Rae Photography