We are now in the stage of planning where I need to start thinking about catering.
And I am terrified.
For reasons unknown to me, I cannot shake this strange fear of choosing a caterer and everything that comes along with it. Everything else about wedding plans has been fun in at least some way. But the thought of sitting down with a professional and breaking down our menu just does not appeal to me. The oddest part is that Rose and I both LOVE food. However, even when throwing parties at our place, my biggest stress is always what to feed people, how much to get, how long it will take to make, how to clean it up and if guests will enjoy it. I can turn into quite the frazzled hostess!
I hate going anywhere unprepared. I never travel to a new place without my trusty GPS and a printout of the directions and having looked at the exact location on Google Earth so I am completely ready for anything. I’m the type of girl that shows up to an interview with three unnecessary copies of my resume “just in case.” Yes I was a Girl Scout, and I just so happen to still live by that motto.
But when it comes to caterers, I am absolutely clueless. I will be walking in the door of our consultations (if I ever get around to scheduling them) without any idea of what to expect. And the worst part is that it seems like everyone else is in a similar boat! There just isn’t enough information available out there. I am really scared that we will meet with these folks, tell them how much we can spend and then just get laughed at because it’s totally unrealistic. But then what do we do? We can’t just pretend like we have more money to put towards it.
And speaking of money, let me get real with you. We can spend absolutely no more than $3,000 on everything and all that is catering. This includes food, drinks, plateware, tables and linens. And I have no way of knowing if we are totally crazy or somewhat realistic. Most catering companies don’t even post their prices on their website, so we could very well waste an entire afternoon meeting with someone that really cannot make this work for us. And even though I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about being a budget bride, there is something especially nerve-wrecking about the fear that we will be turned away because we can’t shell out the funds.
We did also have a strange experience with the only caterer I have ever met with in my life, so maybe it has a little to do with my hesitations. When we were planning the wedding for last year, we met with a company that was associated with three local restaurants including our favorite sushi spot and a deli. From the start, the coordinator was far from “catering” to our needs (excuse the pun). She had an abrasive personality and as soon as we started describing what we envisioned: a mingling, serve-yourself atmosphere with heavy hors d’ouevres, she cut us off with a quick “No that won’t work.” She said with the limited funds we had, that our guests would be better fed with sandwiches, and lots of them! She proceeded to show us every sandwich platter ever offered and insisted that this was the only way to go. Instead of finding out more about us, she turned the whole meeting into a speech on the popularity of deli sandwiches, deviled eggs and cole slaw. And then when we asked about other services like table rentals… she responded with an abrupt “No” as if we should know better than to even mention it. I felt like I was being lectured the entire time!
When it comes to picking a caterer, I just don’t want to do it. It is forcing me to face my stresses about money… one topic I hate talking about. Please tell me I am not the only one putting off such a big step in our planning process because of some off-the-wall fear!
As your single biggest wedding day cost, I think catering can be a huge source of stress. After all, it isn’t everyday you take 100 people out for dinner and drinks!
I tell my couples to think of place they like to dine that is equivalent to what they want to serve on their wedding day. If you went to dinner there what does 1/2 an appetizer, side salad and entree cost? Add to that the price of a few drinks. Add sales tax and a 20% tip. Multiply that by your guest count. That is what the caterering will roughly cost. A 2 minute exercise that helps you put things into perspective and takes the fear out of the unknown. From here you can adjust the food/style to fit your budget.
And yes your caterer should be able to provide all your rentals wihtout an issue or direct you to a person who can help you.
My momma always says: trust your instincts.
If you’re feeling icky about a person, a vendor, anything – trust your instincts! If you feel weird before the wedding, you can guarantee you’ll feel weird AT the wedding :)
I ran into a similar thing when I was planning my wedding: we could not find a single caterer that listened. My husband hates all things mayo and mustard, and we couldn’t find a caterer that would substitute stuff for our meals. We were having our reception in a park, and we really just wanted one big barbecue, but couldn’t find any caterer that was into it.
Enter the local, family-owned deli/barbecue business that was recommended to us. Not only did Tony, the owner, listen to our concerns and what we were looking for, but he created a custom menu that worked within the budget we laid out. He served london broil, burgers, hot dogs, chicken, and some veggie options – and it was DELICIOUS. And so laid back, which is exactly what we wanted.
So trust your gut! Keep hunting, I am SURE you’ll find a caterer who is eager to listen to and work with you :)
And be sure to check out the caterers on our list! http://www.soyoureengayged.com/vendor-list/food/
Don’t be afraid! Caterers are really very nice. I promise.
That being said, nobody likes wasting time. Not you or the caterers you’re talking with. Asking them to spend an hour with you and then telling them their quote is way out of your price range is bad karma.
Do you already have a venue picked out? And a guest count? Those two things will help you tremendously. If you don’t already have a venue, I’d recommend a restaurant, a hotel, or country club where the tables/chairs/linens/plates/glasses/silverware are already there. Spending $3k just on rentals is really easy, and that’s without any food or staff! Of course feeding 20 people will be a lot less expensive than feeding 200, so knowing your price per person is key. Other ways to milk the budget are scheduling the wedding in the morning or early afternoon so vendors can work a second wedding after yours, choosing a buffet instead of a plated meal so there’s less staff, and choosing seasonal and cheaper food items like chicken/green beans instead of veal/asparagus.
Just be honest up front about the price and see if the caterers can work with you. If they don’t bat an eye then you’re good to go! If they’re concerned but are willing to get creative, definitely hear them out. If they laugh and hang up on you then they’re not worth your time anyhow. Just dial another number and keep going.
I hope that’s helpful! Just remember — it’s like ripping off a band-aid. A few slightly awkward 5-minute phone calls will get you started on the right track.
I had the exact same issue. I went for 2 months putting off the catering issue. I finally wimped out and assigned the task to my mother who was looking to help out. I had her screen all the caterers on the list, discuss our “vision”, and give a price range. Then she came back with a few bids and a strong sense of which caterer we would like. We just called that one caterer and it clicked. I don’t know if you have someone in your life who can take that role but it was a huge relief for me and worked out perfectly.
My other advice to you is to look online at reviews from other brides/grooms. There is a lot of this kind of stuff out there. Get a sense of who might meet your needs. Pick the one that listen to you and wants to work with your ideas and not give you a pre-packaged event.
You can do it, Nicole! You can do it!
Also, totally OK to have ‘irrational’ fears. They happen.
From reading your post, my first questions were definitely how many people you’ll be hosting and where. Cause for both our weddings, we came in around £3,000/$3,000 each time. In the UK, that included starter + buffet + drinks for 80 people. In CA, it was buffet + drinks + rentals (linens, glasses, cutlery, plates, servers) for 130 people…So, I think it’s possible.
We love food, too, but we stayed to simple, good food that was well-sourced and presented beautifully (tasted gorgeous, too)–a continental spread of meats, breads, cheeses and salads and a tri-tip bbq. We also found them through friends: in the UK, we attended a party catered by some people who owned a deli and approached them that night about our wedding we were so impressed; in CA, my mom found our caterer by attending a colleague’s wedding and called her up after she was impressed by how fast they cut up the cake! (Efficiency was a good thing)
My rec is to be upfront with the caterers: you have a budget, you have wants. It’s their job to educate you about the process and guide your decisions (but not overtake them!).
And, Lara’s right, trust your gut!
i am completely mortified by this whole catering thing. the money it costs makes me nervous. it seems too fancy for us. i’m worried we won’t be able to get what we want, and i worry about the things that would be so easy and cheap to do ourselves if we had the time that will be expensive or not an option with a caterer. plus, official interactions with folks freak me out anyway.
ugh.
i mean, good luck!
Thank you to everyone for all the advice! This is exactly why the SYE community is so great… I am already feeling better! Now if only I could pawn the task of calling the caterers off on someone else…. ;)
Ahh, even though I’m a year late on this post… I came across because of frantically considering catering. My fiance and I are HUGE foodies, and always vividly recall weddings where we left hungry, the food was so-so, etc… so that is a huge worry, especially with so many caterers “guaranteeing” things that don’t always come to fruition.