As our big day gets closer, Em and I continue to finalize our wedding plans. With our save-the-dates coming out soon with my name listed as André, we’ve been thinking about the logistics of our wedding. I had originally planned on legally changing my name to André before the wedding but wasn’t planning on changing my gender marker until sometime after the wedding. This would mean that our ceremony in Maryland would be just that, a civil ceremony with no legality to it. The plan was to eventually get legally married as a “heterosexual couple” after I changed my gender marker.
But, par for the course for Em and me, things have changed yet again. We have since decided that we would speed the process up and try to get legally married on our actual ceremony date. Which means my changing my name and gender marker and getting our officiant ordained.
We’re working on my name and gender change in hopes that we can get it all accomplished by 9-10-11. I have contacted the legal services staff at Whitman Walker Clinic, the local LGBT health clinic in D.C., to help walk me through all the steps that I will need to take. I have also scheduled my surgery for April 5th, which just happens to be 3 days after my birthday. I’d also like to get my gender marker changed on my Florida birth certificate however it isn’t necessary that I change it before the ceremony as my passport and driver’s license will suffice for the “legal” wedding.
All that being said, on a personal level, Em and I are excited that we will be able to marry legally and take advantage of all the benefits of a legally wed “heterosexual couple.” We are, however, angered by the fact that we are now able to legally marry and have our marriage be recognized in every state, only because I decided to transition. It is unfair and infuriating that not everyone is able to legally marry whomever they choose no matter their legal gender. Rights for LGBT people have definitely come a long way, but clearly things are still not where they need to be.
Andre,
My partner and I are in the same situation. Our solution has been that we are getting married in a state that supports marriage equality. We are also trying to support vendors in those states too. Our plan is to send a detailed financial accounting to our legislator with the amount of money we spent in another state rather than our own.
Best of Luck in your planning.
Thank you for sharing this process with all of us.
I am truly happy for you and Em. Bottom line is you are becoming the true version of you externally, that you have always been internally. This is a beautiful experience! I can’t imagine how you feel and how you will feel when all is said and done.
Congrats on being able to benefit from being legally married! Good for you guys!!!
Andre,
You may be in luck as far as getting married where you can still support a state that supports equality… if that made any sense. Maryland is currently considering gay marriage and I know before they were considering recognizing marriages performed in DC and other states I’m sorry I’m not remembering where that went. But my fiancee and I are currently in a race to see who wins. I’m from California, she’s from Maryland… We’ve decided whoever legalizes and keeps! gay marriage that’s where we’ll get married as they’re both in the process of figuring out where they stand.
And finally I wanted to pass along my Congratulations! for this new stage of your life as you begin your transition. I think it’s important to honor who you are as you get married and start this new chapter of your lives together and it’s great that you are able to do this.
bravo! that’s awesome
and, i have to say, i think it kind of serves the status quo right when anti-gay stuff turns out to be pro-trans (or vice versa, as with gay couples getting legally married in texas when one partner is trans because texas won’t change gender markers)
@lara, I looooove the idea of sending your financial statement to your legislator! we just might have to do that…