I have to admit, I’m obsessed. Most of my blogging pleasure seems to be derived from copious amounts of wedding porn – who the heck am I becoming?? Between my partner and I – I don’t even know which one of us is worse at this point but at the same time, I kinda dig how this process is making us embrace our more feminine side.
Lately, I have been thinking about my forming my own, albeit small bridal brigade. I have come to realize about myself that I am going to be a stickler for budgets mainly because I’m going to be applying to fellowships and MBA programs and she may be potentially going to school so our money (it is still so weird to say that!) for the this year is going to be kinda wonky – so we won’t have the expendable funds needed to be all out with it – so, enter the brigade because I plan to do as many projects myself that I can feasibly allow without pulling out mine or someone’s hair (I mean, who am I kidding – I wouldn’t pull out my hair -haha…sigh). I also need it because even though I believe myself to be a “Jane of all Trades”, I know I can’t do something like this alone and I wouldn’t want to – I want the wedding to be a labor of love not something that screams ME, ME, ME. So, that is why I enjoy the community aspect of having a bridal brigade not to mention they will help to keep me in check because I know I can be (ahem) off the chain when it comes to certain aspects of event planning and I want my partner and I to enjoy this journey.
So I already have an idea who I would ask to help with what but I do have one problem and it is something I am not sure how to deal with. One of my friends, I know would be perfect to help me figure out pricing and where the good deals are. She is Type A, a Cancerian (like moi – we are known for our event tasking and creative skills) and she has recently put on her own wedding, which seemed like a lot of fun.
One problem, she is also going through a nasty divorce like post-honeymoon break-up. Like really bad, unfortunately and it is recent – so it sucks for all involved. I can’t believe something so wonderful has ended so soon and then there is my being there for as a friend who is grieving but at the same time, I want to talk to her about what I want to do but I feel like it would be insensitive. I mean right now, this is supposed to be the happiest time of her life and currently she can barely hold herself together and with how the situation went down – it is quite understandable. So I don’t even know if I should scrap asking her in general or possibly asking her further down the line after she has gone through her process. I think it is just one of those things that I’m not sure what to do.
I want my friends to be involved and truthfully, I don’t have many folks that I would call a true friend. Acquaintances, sure but friends that is different, yet I do realize I have to be sensitive to her situation because I know that if I was going through something so detrimental – I would need my space from all of it.
So yes, I have two definite contenders for my bridal brigade – I am aiming for one more solid person but for right now; I will focus on being that friend she needs. So, if you were in my shoes; what would you do? I wouldn’t mind delaying to ask her but some of the stuff on my plate is time sensitive especially the things I would like her input on.
My fiancee is dealing with this issue as well. One of her best friends just filed for divorce after about two years of marriage. We would love for her to be a part of the bridal party, but my fiancee doesn’t want to push her friend into something that is going to be really painful for her. She is planning to talk to her friend about it this weekend and just openly say, I would love for you to be involved, but if you just want to be a guest, if you don’t want to deal with any of this right now, that is perfectly fine. I’m here for whatever you need.
Hi Cynthia…did you guys settle on a date yet? I don’t recall seeing that posted previously. Just wondering what your timeline is on these DIY projects you may wish to tackle.
I also have a bestie who is going through a harsh divorce. What we do is set aside time to talk just about my wedding. And set aside specific time to talk about her situation. Neither the two shall meet in the same discussion. She is truly genuinely happy for me and wants to be a part of our planning. She says it helps to renew her faith in her future. While she’s sad and healing she’s not turned to the self deprecating counter-intuitive defeatist mentality that she could very easily have slipped into. Rather she is more hopeful that God does have a plan for her…as He had for me.
I bet if you have an honest open heart to heart with your friend, this process of helping you, just may help her more that either of you can imagine right now.
Alyssa’s advice is dead on. Invite her in a way that lets her bow out gracefully if she isn’t ready.
What are you asking your bridal brigade to help with? My friends in the wedding are scattered all over (ex. officer on a naval ship) so I haven’t relied on them much at all for wedding input. But now they are all happily asking what they can do, and how the planning is going- and I don’t know what to say except it’s mostly all planned.