I don’t know about anybody else, but my year seems to be booked with upcoming weddings! By the end of December, I will have attended more weddings this year than I have my entire life up until now. Love must really be in the air lately! And out of all the weddings this year, ours is the only same-sex wedding within our social circle. This seems to be causing me additional stress. I guess I feel added pressure to live up to whatever the heck it is that people expect to experience. I know that we might be the only gay wedding that most of our guests have ever been to, or might ever go to (but hopefully not!). So, I want to make sure that I somehow walk the fine line between presenting it as a legitimate, traditional union and something that is entirely unique and personal. Gotta show them that the gays can party!!!
Also, I feel myself starting to compare our day to the other ones that will be occuring around the same time. Let me just be blunt… I like to be the best. I have a bit of a competitive streak and I am a self-proclaimed perfectionist. When I throw a theme party or put together Halloween costumes, it is all or nothing. I go all out! I like to ensure that people have an unforgettable time when they are with us. But it offers somewhat of a challenge to be unforgettable when our wedding will be one of many happening this year. Also, speaking from the perspective of a woman, I know we have more of a tendency to compare ourselves to other females – clothing, body image, careers – so as a bride, I feel the pressure rising. Because Rose and I are already legally married, I have this fear that people won’t view our wedding as significant as other weddings. Will I still be thought of as a blushing bride? Will people refer to it as “our big day”? I have already experienced people in my workplace referring to it as our “celebration” or “party” even though they know that I plan to wear a white dress, walk down an aisle and profess my vows in front of everyone. I do consider the day we went to the courthouse to be the day we became a married couple, but it didn’t really feel like our “wedding day.” I want that big exciting moment that can only be described as a wedding. And I want ours to be awesome. I mean seriously, who doesnt?
I know that everyone’s wedding is different and that most of our guests (many of which aren’t even going to all the same weddings) are not going to be huddling together later with some sort of insane scoreboard, but I just can’t seem to shake this feeling. Not only did my younger sister just get married this past spring, but I have high school friends, out of state friends and even other relatives that also have weddings coming up. I’m starting to feel like I’m getting lost in the shuffle. I’m going to chalk this up to wedding pressure, but I just had to share my weak moment with you.
But just to complicate matters, my cousin and I have actually booked the EXACT SAY DAY for our weddings. It was purely accidental and we found out after it was too late. But now I can’t help but feel like this could turn into some sort of competition very quickly. Luckily, most of our guests won’t be affected by the double booking. But it’s just a little harder to feel special when I know I’m sharing the moment with someone directly related to me. Call me a brat, but sometimes you just have to be… especially when it comes to “our big day!”
Your guests are coming to your wedding because they love you. If you’re presenting your wedding as a wedding and not as some party that you’re throwing on x date then your guests will get the picture and behave appropriately. When your coworkers talk about your wedding as a celebration – stop them and tell them straight up that it’s your WEDDING. It’s up to you to set the tone for it and the people that you’ve invited – presumably people that you love and who love you – will follow.
As for wanting your wedding to stand out and be a role model for other gay weddings – just remember that it’s about you marrying your partner. At the end of the day, if your wedding shows the love and commitment that you both share then that’s the best message. Whether the gays can throw a good party – well, there’s no question about that, so don’t stress about it :)
Your guests will remember your wedding because they are invested in the relationship that you and your partner share. NOT because you had unicorns and sparklers and the best dj on the west coast (or wherever your wedding takes place). I’ll try to say this as gently as possible – this is your wedding, not a new years eve party – so focus on the important things – your love and commitment and the friends and family that will help you both through the many, many, many years ahead.
I know your wedding will be great! I can’t wait to hear about it!
Nicole, I can so relate! We are likely the only gay wedding many of our friends and family will have been to, and I’ve only been to one myself. So I am feeling the pressure to walk that fine line between what is traditional/familiar/”legitimate” to provide a sense of context, but also to be unique and way more fun than all the weddings before us! I’m hoping that we (and that you two) strike that balance and have a special day that is just right!
I’ve been reading a variety of articles that have come out since gay marriage was legalized in New York, and decided to look for blogs because the articles are all ridiculous, represented by outlandish couples. It’s disappointing, because I really don’t want people to think that the gay community is taking marriage lightly in any way. You’re the first person that I’ve come across who seems to be concerned about having a wedding that falls into a traditional wedding category, as opposed to a marriage cocktail party or something. It’s odd, as having a “gay interpretation” of a wedding just prolongs the period before that day when going to a same sex couple’s wedding isn’t any different or unusual. It’s not that there isn’t anything wrong with having something totally different, but when my guests think back on my wedding I want them to compare it to any other wedding they’ve been to and not isolate it as it’s own thing. Thanks for the entry.