This month we are asked to write about wedding blogs. Are we overwhelmed with the amount of them? How many do we look at? Are most geared toward opposite sex marriage?
My first response to the topic was, I don’t read wedding blogs, that was until I came across So You’ re EnGAYged. Actually, I did not go anywhere online when we first started planning, I just asked my bothers, their wives, my mom, and friends about planning etc. One, because I like to ask A LOT of questions, which you can’t do on a static web-page and two, because I am lazy.
Upon reflecting about this, I wonder if I was hesitant to go out and look at wedding blogs because I assumed them to not be for me. For two men, not much can be gleaned from conversation about vales, wedding bouquets, dresses, etc., which a lot of these blogs talk about. Which I think is the larger point that became clear when we first started venue searches: weddings and wedding planning is feminine . Everything was “bridal …” from package to suite to “for the bride” fast facts. While I frankly don’t spend too much time worrying about what end of the femme/butch scale I fall on, I had a hard time with the idea of being labeled femme because I was planning a wedding. And at times I was more offended by that then that fact that many places were geared toward hetrosexual couples.
I have not spent my whole life thinking about my wedding as some of our other female friends have. I honestly started to think about it only two years ago when we started to seriously talk about setting a date. Beyond that I had never actualized in my mind what the day would be like, who would be there, where it would be etc. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that, as I said before, wedding planning is feminized. I don’t mean that as a pejorative or as a statement of reality, but rather just a commentary on popular belief. As a man, I shouldn’t care about the wedding planning. I should only care that there will be one, booze and food will be available, and that I will get some on the wedding night. Otherwise, before, during and after I should simply be absent.
Of course I acknowledge that is not the truth for many couples, of whatever gender or sexual orientation. But then there is this other layer, as you can see by the bloggers here, I am the only gay man among them, that even the gay wedding world is female heavy. (I am sure there is some U-Haul joke that could be inserted here, but I’ll refrain.) So even within my community I feel somewhat outside the folds and am stumbling, gracefully of course, but still stumbling through this wedding planning process. I have found a lot of great advice on this blog and know I will continue and blogging for this site has opened my eyes to other sites that can be of use.
Then I think about what our wedding day will be like, and frankly, sans a bride, it is pretty much modeled after many of the other traditional weddings I have gone to before, which are reflected in many wedding blogs. So maybe, I am just full of it, and just don’t want to admit I am fairy femme looking for my glitter. :-)
This was a great read…it brought a smile to face and I thank you for that. As a bridal blog writer, I have to sit back and think about what you’ve said here. It’s definitely made me think. Thanks and good luck on your day!
How far out is your wedding? You sound a lot like me and my husband in the early lead up to our wedding. We didn’t care; we hadn’t dreamt about this our entire life. We just wanted to arrive and for everything to already be done for us. Then by the end of it we were getting in little fights over the music or the food…and you realize at some point you start caring about stuff that doesn’t even matter. Good luck and have fun. And make plenty of snarky comments when the word “bridal” crosses anyone’s lips!
“I think this has a lot to do with the fact that wedding planning is feminized. I should only care that there will be one, booze and food will be available, and that I will get some on the wedding night.”
I think you’re totally spot on about this idea within marriage culture. TLC is overrun with feminized marriage shows: Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, Pimp My Wedding (I WISH), etc, and where are the men? Often they aren’t present or are seen as quiet observers.
I’m glad that you’ve embraced the planning process and I’m excited to hear more from you!
Vicki: A lot of the industry is market driven, so it makes a lot of sense for blogs etc., to be geared towards women, because many times they are the ones who are directing where the money is going for a wedding. I just hope that over time, there will be more of an acknowledgment that men are part of the process.
Amanda: I first have to admit I love Bridezillas! But you are right, in each of these, the men are either absent or as close to not involved as they can get. We are actually enjoying the process now that we have realized that our wedding needn’t be anything but what we want it to be.
I think you are spot on. I have noticed that the traditional wedding world is started to poke their heads out of the burrow, but more needs to be offered for those of us in the GLBT community. I try my best to do that with my business and I know how frustrating it can be for me and I know it’s even harder for individuals. I would encourage our community to check out Etsy. There are a lot of cool and cute items for GLBT weddings and many are willing to customize. I really hope that the wedding industry will wholeheartedly incorporate the GLBTIQ community as part of mainstream marketing…crossing fingers.
Michael, our wedding is in Sept. …we have already started fighting over the food…I wanted antipasto at the cocktail hour…he thought it was too expensive…lol You are right, these little things don’t matter, but make for good blog posts! Nice to hear from those who made it through!
Kristen, Etsy is a great site, did not know they had wedding things there, will have to check it out, thanks for the tip. This may sound synical, but where there is money, business will make changes to get to it, so as more and more of us get married, the more business will get change….I hope…:-)
I can’t hear anything over the sound of how awesome this ariltce is.
I am another one who is frustrated by the feminization of weddings, even though I am in fact female. My first wedding was to a man. The two of us agreed that the planning of the wedding was a joint responsibility. However, every vendor we dealt with seemed to assume that his views on the wedding were irrelevant, and that mine had to be sought out. Given that I was working harder than my fiance at the time (working a 40-hour week and also attending law school), I got extremely frustrated by the fact that it was extremely difficult to get vendors to understand that they had to deal with him, not me, on many issues.
In some ways, it was actually easier the second time around, when I married another woman. At least the vendors had to pay attention to our division of responsibilities, instead of assuming that one of us was in charge based solely on gender.