This month we are asked to write about wedding blogs. Are we overwhelmed with the amount of them? How many do we look at? Are most geared toward opposite sex marriage?
My first response to the topic was, I don’t read wedding blogs, that was until I came across So You’ re EnGAYged. Actually, I did not go anywhere online when we first started planning, I just asked my bothers, their wives, my mom, and friends about planning etc. One, because I like to ask A LOT of questions, which you can’t do on a static web-page and two, because I am lazy.
Upon reflecting about this, I wonder if I was hesitant to go out and look at wedding blogs because I assumed them to not be for me. For two men, not much can be gleaned from conversation about vales, wedding bouquets, dresses, etc., which a lot of these blogs talk about. Which I think is the larger point that became clear when we first started venue searches: weddings and wedding planning is feminine . Everything was “bridal …” from package to suite to “for the bride” fast facts. While I frankly don’t spend too much time worrying about what end of the femme/butch scale I fall on, I had a hard time with the idea of being labeled femme because I was planning a wedding. And at times I was more offended by that then that fact that many places were geared toward hetrosexual couples.
I have not spent my whole life thinking about my wedding as some of our other female friends have. I honestly started to think about it only two years ago when we started to seriously talk about setting a date. Beyond that I had never actualized in my mind what the day would be like, who would be there, where it would be etc. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that, as I said before, wedding planning is feminized. I don’t mean that as a pejorative or as a statement of reality, but rather just a commentary on popular belief. As a man, I shouldn’t care about the wedding planning. I should only care that there will be one, booze and food will be available, and that I will get some on the wedding night. Otherwise, before, during and after I should simply be absent.
Of course I acknowledge that is not the truth for many couples, of whatever gender or sexual orientation. But then there is this other layer, as you can see by the bloggers here, I am the only gay man among them, that even the gay wedding world is female heavy. (I am sure there is some U-Haul joke that could be inserted here, but I’ll refrain.) So even within my community I feel somewhat outside the folds and am stumbling, gracefully of course, but still stumbling through this wedding planning process. I have found a lot of great advice on this blog and know I will continue and blogging for this site has opened my eyes to other sites that can be of use.
Then I think about what our wedding day will be like, and frankly, sans a bride, it is pretty much modeled after many of the other traditional weddings I have gone to before, which are reflected in many wedding blogs. So maybe, I am just full of it, and just don’t want to admit I am fairy femme looking for my glitter. :-)