As I have mentioned in earlier posts, I am the Butch Bridezilla. Recently, my horns haven’t been as sharp, the flames coming out of my mouth haven’t been as hot, but don’t let that fool you. The beast is dormant, just waiting for an opportunity to wake back up.
Within the framework of a traditional heterosexual wedding, the bride plans everything, DIYs everything with her unlucky bridesmaids and stresses out about the entire wedding. Meanwhile the groom plays X-box/Wii/Playstation/etc., occasionally getting up to grab another cold beer and offer his two cents. I occassionally watch wedding reality tv shows which make me want to reach through the television and strangle the groom-to-be. Not that the bride makes it easy to help. But still. Come on guys.
Because of our life/work schedules, I have been the one to do much of the work. FACT: realistically, I have done about 90% of the planning. Planning this wedding has gotten me incredibly organized. (Before meeting Christina, I was a Type-A’s worst nightmare: books all over the floor, papers covering my desk, laundry on the floor.) But Christina’s organizational skills have really rubbed off on me, in a very good way. Now I’m a manic organizer with bouts of disorganization that mirror chaotic moments in my life.
I love my Excel spreadsheet- I’ve got a 10 tab Excel spreadsheet where I keep track of all our vendor information, payments that have been made and any other details. The tabs are color coded and organized according to topic. Initially I tried keeping a binder with all of the forms and magazine pages that we had ripped out- but that just became irritating and cumbersome to carry around wherever we went. So Google Docs it is.
Christina is absolutely fantastic at the details. She has an eye for the little things (which I most definitely don’t- I always fail at the “what’s different about these 2 pictures” game). She is a compulsive organizer and cleaner. She notices every speck of dust. I on the other hand would only notice a mess if the house was hit by a tornado. But that’s us: she’s got an eye for the details, while I’m a big-picture type.
Here’s a breakdown of who has done what thus far:
Date Selection:Erica & Christina- Because I am a full time doctoral student, our wedding needed to happen during one of my breaks, preferably summer vacation. Christina absolutely loves Autumn and September is that transitional period where summer becomes fall and it is evident everywhere in nature.
Venue:Erica & Christina- After our initial flop with the sausage man (see previous posts)- Christina and I agreed to have our wedding in Ogunquit, ME (where we met)- food and dancing are the most important things for us so we immediately thought of Jonathan’s Restaurant (a personal favorite of ours).
Music: Erica- I was absolutely adamant on having a live band at our wedding. Christina agreed. I found a great resource called Gig Master that is a database for event planning. However, I didn’t find any bands within our price range. But through a Google search I found The Coronados- a big band swing, rhythm & blues and classic rock & roll band.
Photographer Selection: Erica- After endless Google searches, I decided to check out Craigslist, where I found our awesome photographer Justine Johnson, founder of Crown of Storms Photography.
Cake: Erica- See above sections on endless Google searches, replace existing word with “cake/baker”- I wanted to stay local, independent and small. I stumbled upon Coastal Cakes- we have been working with Vicki for a few months now- she even over-nighted cupcakes despite the 3,000 miles gap between us.
Stationary: Erica- I am a huge nerd- I love playing around with graphics and designing things, even though I have no background in art or graphic design- however, I did design our Save The Date and am currently in the process of finalizing our invitations.
Queer wedding planning is not so black & white when it comes to gender roles. It’s not about who should do what, but rather who’s talents and areas of expertise are best suited for the task at hand. So that’s my 2 cents. Take it for what it’s worth. Just don’t leave your beau to do all the work while you go make yourself a martini or pop the top of a cold Bud-Light.
So great that you admit you are a “bridezilla.” So many don’t!
Erica…I wish you could share your budget template :-(
It sounds like its right up my alley with how anal I am about these things…but i’m also lazy so getting it from someone where I don’t have to “think” about creating one would be great :-)
I totally understand everything you are going through. And I love your writing!
I’m a trans boy who has an equal hand in planning things, this is like the 3rd post I’ve seen specifically bashing hetero relationships, and we’re kind of a queer straight couple, there are relationships that are more partnerships and relationships where it’s just 2 people who happen to be together… this can happen with any couple, regardless of orientation. I’m good at coming up with ideas, I’m not always the most sensible or realistic, so when I say things like “Why not on a pirate ship?” or “Can we use salt n pepper shakers from my great aunt as cake toppers?” it’s a little far fetched but it’s still giving in put. I’ve said: “I like all colours except pink, I really like turquoise, you like turquoise too, turquoise?” A very compelling argument, but I’m not passive aggressive, if it’s something I don’t care about, I am like ‘whatever you want, I don’t know enough about it, what are you thinking so far?’ and then add opinion, but I’m the one who bought a paper notebook where we write down ideas and have a usb of cake pictures and invitation templates. I don’t want to step on the shoes of my bride, I just am happy that I get a lot of say, and that she’s happy that I’m not apathetic.