In my last post about our engagement photos, I was still struggling to find an outfit that I loved, but wouldn’t come across as too definitive in our relationship roles. Bridesmate Beth was concerned that wearing a fancy vest and pants could be a little ‘butch’, which was a frustrating but accurate thought. What really constitutes a butch lesbian anyway? Well, I was unsure of the exact definition, so I looked it up.
According to the highly regarded, but academically unsound UrbanDictionary.com, a butch lesbian is defined as an overtly/stereotypically masculine or masculine-acting woman. Can be used to denote an individual, or the dominant role in a lesbian relationship. Huh. Then, my little internet definition adventure took me into sub-categories: Stone Butch, Sport Dyke, Soft Butch, Chapstick Lesbian, Fellagirly, Gym Queen, Tomboy Femme, Futch and the list goes on and on! I’m all for defining oneself, but on any given day, I could fit into any of these labels and more! If the labels were sewn into jeans, I could even be a Blue Jean Femme.
Why are we, as a community, so quick to jump to assumptions about others gender identities and relationship roles? And why are we so adamant on sticking to the traditional hetero-normative definition of what a couple should be? (Excuse that last sentence, I sort of threw up in my mouth as I typed it, but it is still true– vomit inducing or no.) I’ll be the first to admit that if I saw a photo of a lady in a dress and her partner (who happens to be…um….. ‘cherubic’ in weight) in pants, I too would make a quick decision on their relationship roles (aka who was butch or femme). But what if you saw that cherubic gal in a skirt and her lady in workout clothes, showing off her super-toned arms? Who is the ‘butch’ now? Because on any given day, that is little ol’ me and my bicep crushing Deborah.
So, what’s a gal and her gal to do? For our casual outfits, we wore these:
And for our super casual, Deborah wore her favorite pair of khaki shorts and a layered tank. I wore my trusty jean skirt with leggings and a cardigan. And as for my dressy outfit? The outfit that caused all of this frustration? Well, I just went with what made me look and feel sexy and confident. The outfit just happened to be a pant suit from Anne Taylor… this time around. I paired it with a silky blue tank and some seriously sexy red patent leather heels! I truly feel that our photos will be completely representative of us, as people and a couple. Personally, I felt pretty, feminine and empowered. The best part is knowing that even if random people see these photos and decide I am ‘the dude’, I know that Deborah sees me as her fiancée and future wife– at the end of the day, that is all that matters.